My journey doesn't OFFICIALLY start until 12/9 when I see the weight-loss doctor for the very first time. However, trying to lose weight is a journey I have been on MANY times before. I have tried to many fad diets, starvation, intermittent fasting, strict calorie counting, you name it and I have done it. In fact, let me list of some of the diets I have tried:
1. Sommersizing
2. Weight Watchers
3. South Beach Diet
4. Low carb
5. Keto
6. Beachbody
7. Macro counting
8. Calorie counting
9. Intermittent fasting
10. Starvation
11. Juice cleanses
12. Jenny Craig
13. Atkins
There were even times when I just only ate bread and butter for the entirety of the overnight camp I was forced to attend. I lost so much weight during those times that when my parents picked me up at the end of camp my clothes were about to fall off of me.
The most successful one I did was the Beachbody, but that got really damn expensive. Before they came out with $99 for an entire year off all included access to the workouts I had to pay for every program I wanted to try. I did enjoy that they gave you tools to measure the food and track how much of each part of the pyramid you were eating, and their shakes were so good, but it was almost $150 a month JUST for the shakes! It got to the point where I just couldn't afford it, or justify spending THAT much on something. Also, without the shakes the success just wasn't the same. I started gaining again, because I wasn't getting the shakes.
But my biggest gain was right after losing my mom. I gained almost 70 pounds in less than 6 months. I couldn't function really. If my food couldn't be microwaved or just by simply opening a bag of chips, then I didn't eat it. Going to work was hard enough. I worked at a retirement home at the time, so I got one free meal from the kitchen on the days I worked. For a while that was probably the only REAL food I consumed.
I couldn't bring myself to workout either. I had just given up. About a year after losing my mom I knew she would be so disappointed in how much weight I had gained, because I had done really well at losing weight before that. But every time I tried to workout I stopped after a week or so. It also seemed like I just completely forgotten how to eat healthy. Two years after she died I decided to go to my first weight-loss seminar for the non surgical options. But, my insurance doesn't cover that. I didn't want surgery, or ANY surgery for that matter. Hell, I still have my wisdom teeth because I'm afraid of going under to get them cut out. But anyways, I didn't know what to do since my insurance wouldn't cover the non surgical option. So, I just never took it any further. That's when my bff and I came up with the pact that I mentioned in the first blog.
Once she told me that she was having the surgery I started to consider it a little more seriously. Now, I would also be lying if I didn't mention that for 5 minutes I was jealous. But that was quickly replaced with how damn happy I was for her, because her struggle with weight has been harder than mine.
I also realized that once I finally started loving myself for who I am now, it made it easier to decide to take this next step. I have always hated myself and how I looked. I think the only time I ever felt attractive was when I lost 40 pounds right after my oldest child was born. But, the I got pregnant 3 months later, lost is at 12 weeks, got pregnant AGAIN three months later, and chose adoption. THREE pregnancies back to back like that, PLUS the depression from placing my youngest with another family.... my body was just F*KED to say the least.
I am ready to do this though. I am still scared, but I know I have an amazing support system on my side.
Comments
Post a Comment