I know I've missed the past two days and that is 100% on track for me. I start doing something and then I just randomly stop doing it. I don't know why. I mean, I know why but I don't know why. If that makes sense.
I let my emotions get in the way of things. I always have. I am always very in my head and the smallest little thing can just completely throw me off.
Recently I finally admitted to myself that I want to be more than friends with a guy I have known since I was 19. I have always wanted to be with him, but always screw it up. He will tell me he wants to be with me too and then I friendzone him. Then I repeat the process a few months or years later. He doesn't deserve that at all. I finally got him to open up to me this morning and tell me what he feels and thinks about all of this and it has gotten me all in my head. I brought this on myself and I will do whatever I need to help him trust that I am serious. I am so used to dating assholes that it terrifies me when an actual good guy is interested in me. Part of the issue as well is I have always been worried that I will just screw things up so badly that I also ruin the friendship. I don't want to lose him, ever.
So, when I get like this I don't focus on food the way I need to. You will see with my photos of the last three days that I have NOT made great food choices. The good thing is, I am recognizing NOW that I am messing up already, so I can get myself back on track. I want to get myself in a good headspace with all of this so when I see the psych that I am require to see, they will approve of my mental state in regards to this life changing surgery.
I need to try and find a workout I can do that won't upset my knee or take over my daughters computer, lol. I can only play beat saber on her computer which means I have to wait until she is asleep. But, some days I am so tired by the time she goes to bed that I just don't want to do anything. I have a dance workout DVD that I think I am going to start using tomorrow. I love doing it. It country music based, but it's so fun and gets my HR up pretty well.
I know what I need to do to fix things with the guy, I know what I need to do to fix things with my diet, now to just put everything in play and get this going! I got this!
Comments
Post a Comment