There is no technical term for what my mind thinks.
However, for as long as I can remember I never mentally thought I was as big as I actually am. So, when I see reflections of myself it does not match what my mind thinks I look like. I remember this one time when I was 16 I was at the mall with some friends and these dudes looked like they were checking me and my friends out, but then I realized they were checking out the skinny girls behind us, I then saw my reflection in the window and went "oh yeah, I'm fat...."
I always forget I'm fat. I walk around thinking I'm thin and sexy, looking snatched, then realizing I'm not every time I see my reflection.
On the flip side, I've always been scared of losing enough weight to get thin because I'm afraid I will start thinking I'm fat finally. I just want to be healthy, which is why I am doing this.
I have a 16 year old kid and two nieces that are 6 and 4, I want to be healthy and around for as long as possible for them. They are my entire world. I will do whatever it takes to make sure I can be here for them. Even though my appointment isn't until Wednesday I started tracking my food and everything today. I plan on including my daily journal entries in my blogs as well. What can hold me more accountable than sharing everything with yall on here.
The one thing I am finding the hardest to do today is to drink my damn water. After I had my tooth pulled I drank nothing but water for a week, then I decided to try a pop, and now I am back to drinking that every day. I don't know why I even had that first one because I KNEW I was going to fall down that rabbit hole again. I've eaten twice today, but I'm finding I'm not really hungry. I know I need to eat at least one more time today, I just don't want to. I need to find SOMETHING to eat though.
Day 1 back on trying to log everything went ok though. Journal entry included below.
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