Back in March of 2019 my best friend and I decided to make a pact, we would do whatever we could to lose weight, but if we had not had a significant change in our weight, in one calendar year, we would start the process for weight-loss surgery. Nine months after our year long pact ended here we are. She already had her surgery and I am coming up on my first appointment.
I have always been scared of any possibility of having to have ANY kind of surgery, and this stems from when I was 7 and had my tonsils taken out. I still remember how disgusting the anesthesia tasted. I was freaking out so badly the doctor started saying how he didn't think he could do the surgery. This was back in the early 90's so there was no flavoring or IV to get you knocked out for surgery. So, ever since then I have been scared to ever experience that again.
But, after some soul searching and speaking to my bff, and having her tell me how her surgery went, my fear is easing up some. It's still there, but not as drastic as it was before speaking to her. This isn't the first time we have had something major happen to us around the same time. We both got divorced around the same time. We both had a kid around the same time. Our kids came to us with some life changing news around the same time. We both met her current husband around the same time.... that is a long story and not for this blog, lol. So, it doesn't surprise me that we are going to be going on this journey together.
It also helps ease my mind that I get to see her experience with this as I just am starting out on mine. By the time I get to where she is now I will have a better understanding of what to expect.
One of the biggest things I know I am going to have to work on is my unhealthy relationship with food. I have always depended on food. Aside from causing me to gain weight, food has never hurt me, not like other things around me have. When I am stressed, happy, sad, angry, bored... you name it, food is there for me. People don't think that fat people can have eating disorders, but we can. Mine is that I am an emotional eater and I have times where I binge. I can go weeks with only eating one meal a day, and feel completely fine. But there there will be times that I am never able to feel full and eat almost all day long. It usually coincides with my monthly cycle too. A couple days before it starts, and a day or two after it finally starts, is usually when I just can't seem to stop eating. So, I am really looking forward to working on this aspect of things.
I also made myself a weight-loss journal, which I plan to share on here, since I always forget that apps to do this exist, or to even log in to them. So I made a hard copy one that is printed out and on the TV tray right in front of the chair I usually sit in, when I am in the living room. That way I can write down what I eat, when I drink water, how much I weigh that day/week, and if I work out or not. I even made a section to write a few quick notes about how I felt that day. Which I will use to help me with this blog.
Also, having you here, reading this, holding me accountable. Thank you. Even if you aren't reading this yet, just knowing that you will one day... thank you.
Lets get this party started!
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